Ambition is the fuel and energy needed to achieve what’s important to us. However, women get judged when they’re ambitious and this nurtures a need to justify things. In this episode, we’ll dive deep into how to get rich without being a bitch with Vanessa Shaw.
Vanessa is a Business Success Coach who has a passion to mentor entrepreneurs as they shatter barriers and dare to play at a bigger level. She is also on a mission to empower women financially.
Our society typically dictates that it’s not okay for women to be ambitious, especially in the financial aspect. We’re not taught how to talk about money, how to better handle it, and become more confident having conversations about it.
To become financially empowered, women need to own this ambition and overcome the shame of having conversations around money. We need to understand that getting rich is a topic that should be normalized, without putting women at a disadvantage.
If you are all in for getting rich and stepping into financial empowerment, this episode will give you value bombs that can help every step of the way.
IN THIS EPISODE YOU’LL DISCOVER:
- Why women need to own their ambition (05:27)
- The value of tapping into your inner desires (11:37)
- The importance of creating a safe environment for growth (18:28)
- Three common traps women fall into when building an empire (21:45)
- The big, dirty, dark secret around money (23:22)
- The synergy between leadership and communication (35:20)
- The Million Dollar Question (39:19)
- “When women declare that they want something it’s typically, rapidly followed by justification.” -Vanessa Shaw
- “It’s really important that we seek out other women who are equally ambitious.” -Vanessa Shaw
- “We need the right people around us to create the safe space needed to be able to talk things through.” -Samantha Riley
WHERE TO FIND VANESSA SHAW
- Website: https://businessgrowthacademy.com/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vcshaw/
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/vcshaw/
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ABOUT VANESSA SHAW
Vanessa Shaw is the results-driven, business growth strategist who will ensure that you are always paying yourself first. On a mission to create economic security for business owners through her company The Business Growth Academy, Vanessa mentors and coaches entrepreneurs as they break through barriers to achieve more income, impact and freedom.
Vanessa Shaw 00:00
There are ways to have those conversations that can be still direct, clear, and kind. I don’t have to have them from a place of complete resentment, when frankly, indication is probably not going to come out as well as it could do. And I think that is a place for again, as women, women leaders of business, we need more role models around good, clear, kind communication, that still gets the job done.
Samantha Riley Intro (00:28):
My name is Samantha Riley, and this is the podcast for experts who want to be the unapologetic leader in their industry. We’re going to share the latest business growth, marketing, and leadership strategies, as well as discussing how you can use your human design to create success in business and life. Inside and out. It’s time to take your influence, income, and impact to the level you know you’re capable of. Are you ready to make a bigger difference and scale up? This is the Influence By Design podcast.
Welcome to today’s episode of Influence By Design, I’m your host, Samantha Riley.
And continuing on with our theme for this month, being the unapologetic leader in your industry and building your elegant empire. This is a episode that I have been hanging out to record for such a long time. In actual fact, we were chatting before I started recording, and this has been years in the making. So we’re going to talk about how to get rich without being a bitch. Now if you’re a male and you’re listening, that’s okay, you can still hang out here. And because there’s going to be lots of juicy information. But Vanessa shore, welcome to the show.
Vanessa Shaw 01:43
Hey, I’m excited, Sam, thanks. I can’t wait for our conversation. And yes, it has been a long time in the making. So
Samantha Riley 01:50
it’s because we normally spend so much time chatting that we don’t actually ever hit record. So hopefully this is great. This is I’m really, really looking forward to this. Why don’t you share with us Vanessa, before we jump into the episode, what is it that you do? And how did you come to be in this place that you’re in now
Vanessa Shaw 02:08
writes, so I have been almost in business for myself for nearly two decades, I realized the years are getting up their original life coach, that’s what I wanted to do was stay at home mom turned life coach, I had a health coaching practice helping women lose weight, self esteem issues. And then that rapidly got me catapulted into a major law firm, where I ran an internal Peak Performance Coaching program got into executive coaching and leadership development, strife, resiliency, peak performance, and actually probably had that for nearly four years, three and a half years. And then quick story around that semi because you possibly don’t know this, but I kind of lost that contract. I mean, there were a whole lot of things that happened internally, and the contract was disbanded. But I put all of my eggs in one basket and when the contract disappeared, so did like 85% of my income. Ouch. And I found myself out Ouch. Like no backup plan, I got very comfortable. And my Swiss accountant at the time told me that I would need to file bankruptcy. If I couldn’t turn things around quickly. Oh, wow. So that’s kind of a that’s an important point for the conversation today. Because I really didn’t know what I was doing or supposed to be doing in business and the money was coming in. And I was spending it and having a really great time and didn’t have cash cushion and all of those other good things that I have in business today. Though, when something went wrong, it was massive panic stations. And then soon after that. So good news is I did turn things around and discovered though that I pretty much had a dysfunctional relationship with money and wealth. In this love hate relationship, didn’t understand how it worked, couldn’t understand, you know, I whole stories around the numbers in my business and sales and everything and thought I was alone. And that was just a Vanessa thing. But as I started to work my way through it and had conversations with other women, I will discover that they had similar challenges. So AI wasn’t alone, and which was thankfully somewhat reassuring. Exactly. Right. And then actually it was then quickly on the back of that that I decided to really go for my dream and I wanted to come to the States and I wanted to see what it was like to grow a business here in the states that just as after I turned things around in Europe, I kind of turned around quickly again and moved my family to Arizona, which is where I’m at today, and I’ve just celebrated 10 years here and now very much in a business coaching. So realms I run the business growth Academy we work with women and who are typically professional services and b2b service providers already at six figures, and we’re helping them scale to that million dollar mark. So very much the space that we operate in love it, it has some, you know, phenomenal success stories, that we’re really helping women as well with that side of the business all around the money part of it, and who they need to be in order to be more successful.
Samantha Riley 05:26
Let’s go right there. Because that was the beautiful segue who they need to be. We were talking earlier about people not owning their ambition. How much do you see this as being the sort of the the core problem? Or is it something else that you see as the core problem for women not being able to move forward, I guess, and really own who they are and what they really want?
Vanessa Shaw 05:52
Yeah, right. Is that bigger question of what they really want? Well, that here’s kind of I think what’s happened is systemically, it’s really not okay for women to be ambitious, in society, right? It’s okay for guys to be that guys. You know, almost, we’re gonna reward you for being ambitious, like it’s a good trait to have. And somehow for women, if we were to really declare that we were ambitious, we immediately have images of backbiting and cold heartedness. And, frankly, less feminine than, you know, we’re supposed to be. So on the one hand, we’ve got to acknowledge that, you know, that’s perhaps something that’s been imposed on us that we’ve inherited. And so yes, from the inside, that ambition is about the fuel that we really need the fuel and the energy that we need to achieve the things that are so important for us. So I think of it as like a muscle though, as well, we’ve got to flex that muscle, right. And it can start with sometimes to just the smallest things that we want for ourselves, that now we are, you know, declaring that we want them and actually going after them. And certainly when I first started out in business, yes, I knew I was somewhat ambitious. But the goals weren’t anything like the goals are today, right? I mean, it was all relative, but it was, it was really seeing what I was capable of. And I think this is the other side of this ambition is that when women declare that they want something, it’s typically rapidly followed up with a justification. Oh, yes. Like I have to justify right. To justify why I want it. And the justification typically sounds like something that society would approve off. Right, that
Samantha Riley 07:43
is, so what we do in I think, not just ambition, but so many parts. I record an interview yesterday, and we’re going to share with who I recorded the interview with, but it’s someone that’s on the show this month, and we finished the interview, and this person went oh my goodness, Sam, you are such a good interviewer. And you know what I said? Oh, thank you. I think it’s because I’ve done like more than 400 episodes. And he went, why did you follow it up with that? Yes. Could you not have just said, Thank you, I’m really bloody good. And he caught me out, because I’m not generally someone that thought I was like that until he called it out. And then I thought, you know, how much of this stuff does hide behind the scenes? How much of it is sort of deep rooted and comes out? I mean, you and I know that there is all sorts of things like that. But he even surprised I’ve just given away that person actually surprised me.
Vanessa Shaw 08:34
Oh, totally. Right. And again, is it is it’s like how, you know, sometimes it’s just because it’s right, there doesn’t have to be this justification. Or in your particular case, it’s almost like minimizing, you know, saying yes, I’m proud of that. I’ve invested the time and energy to build 400 podcasts or interviews, I’ve been honing this, right. But we can either minimize it or say feel like we need to justify. And so for me that first place is totally okay. To say that we want something for no other reason than we want something.
Samantha Riley 09:11
Totally. I had a friend years ago, as we were sort of talking about this exact topic. And I actually can’t remember who this originally came from. So I can’t get I just can’t remember who it is. But he said to me, Sam, it’s okay to say I want something because I want something. Yep. And it’s really actually changed. Lee on my hubby. And I actually say this all the time where we’ll catch each other out, you know, because either of us will say, Oh, you know, we want the spot. And we both say no, I want it because I want it. It’s okay to do that.
Vanessa Shaw 09:48
Absolutely. So I think that’s that first place. Now, of course when this comes into business, it is right. It’s like what do we desire to build? Who do we desire to work with? You know, what do we You know, what sort of revenues do we want? What sort of profit do we want? Right? What you know, what, what do we want to pay ourselves all of these things, we’ve got to be okay declaring them. My job. So funny. We’ve got a little Labrador just in case anybody gets to hear doggy snores it’s not meant to be in on this conversation today. So I would say yes, that’s that first place, like, let’s own our ambition. And then as women, here’s the other piece, this is where we have to help one another. A, I think it’s really important that we seek out other women who are equally ambitious, write their goals, Ken Frank, so that we can normalize the conversation. I know you and I do a lot of that behind the scenes, and it makes it just a very safe, normal conversation. The thing we really have to stop doing as women is sometimes we then put it, you know, we impose a story on a woman that, you know, if she’s ambitious, well, she in that domain over there, she must be somewhat bad over here. You know, like, insert, you know, marriages on the rocks, she must be difficult to live with, she must be strident she must be, she can’t be a good mother. I mean, it’s like all the things that start to go into play. And now we can be, you know, we can be ambitious for what we want. And we can be successful in other areas of our lives. It doesn’t have to be this, you know, one or the other.
Samantha Riley 11:35
100%. Let’s talk about this ambition a little bit more, because I know that both of us work with some amazing people that sometimes struggle at the beginning to say what they actually want. And a lot of times, it’s not just saying it, it’s that they don’t even understand what they want. What are some of the tips that you can give around, you know, beginning that journey, so you can really, unapologetically step into who you really want to be?
Vanessa Shaw 12:04
Yeah. And I’ll go back to my own kind of story on this, because this is really how I discovered this for myself, which I think would probably be the most helpful share. We often want No, necessarily, you know what we want because A, we’ve been so conditioned to not even declare what we want, right? Or many of us have been conditioned to be satisfied with what we’ve already got. Eat content. That was a lot of the scripting. For me growing up was kind of a, I had this restless energy. And it was my mother, I remember her saying like, Oh, my gosh, when will you ever be content? Like when is enough enough? Right, that’s almost that kind of shaming bucket that you’re asking for too much here. So for me where I had to start, Sam was really tapping into my inner desires going within, and not necessarily paying attention to what was going on outside of me, although of course, those things can kind of inform decisions. But it was listening to what are those desires, those yearnings that I’m having that, frankly, aren’t going away? Because we have some that are very fleeting, right? They’re just kind of ideas, but we’re not necessarily drawn to fulfilling on them. Like no, we’re not put the effort in. But in my particular case, I had this real deeper desire to a run my own business. And be I knew that the work that I had to do had to make a difference in the world. Yes, those are the only two things actually my desires actually pointed me like, my desires did not give me like a full, fully written out map or like a business plan.
Samantha Riley 13:47
Not a full 90 minute blockbuster.
Vanessa Shaw 13:51
It was like okay, but those desires never went away. And here’s the thing, they can be totally irrational, they can feel like they’re totally irrational. There was no real sense of why would I want to be a business owner, there’s no no other business owners in my family, you know, they were far more kind of professionals, traditional teachers, you know, different. There was no rationale for it. But our desires are emotional, they don’t have to be rational. And so I think really starting to pay attention to that. The more I paid attention, the more I could see that those desires were like my unique seeds of what I was meant to grow and create and develop in the world and they were my guideposts. So that’s the advice I would say to somebody right now is start to pay attention. And even if those desires feel like wow, this just feels irrational or crazy, but it’s still there like to pursue it further and engage with it further. Yeah.
Samantha Riley 14:55
And it only seems irrational until you shine a light on it. And it’s, I was gonna say explore it, but sort of deep dive into it. Because it’s only irrational in our head, once it comes out, all of a sudden it comes into form, and it has a completely different take on it. And that’s when you get the feeling. And it’s the feeling, isn’t it that really propels you forward?
Vanessa Shaw 15:17
Totally. Right, totally. And again, it is it’s like it, then it becomes very energizing, you know, like, can we have to understand, and this comes back to the people that we hang out with. Most people aren’t living their life this way. Now, you know, if we’re looking at entrepreneurs, and coaches and consultants, so we’ve already decided to become part of a group of people that, frankly, were the minority and somewhat strange ones, because we’re not doing things the way the majority of the world is. And so for me, as far right, that’s that place of just really following that trusting it, you know, knowing that that’s a place of creativity, of innovation, and being willing to take those risks, and then actually learn more about in the process, right of going after those desires. We will learn more about what we want and what we don’t want. And that comes back to I think, you know, if we look at society, I was thinking about this the other day, in fact, Robert and I, my husband, I were having a great conversation around, I said, The problem is, is there’s so much prevailing thought in the world around the right things to do the right sequence, the right career, way to live life, it’s almost as if right, there’s only one way to do things. And I certainly grew up out of that. And so we’ve got to realize that, you know, there are many, many different ways to do things and to be self expressed, and giving ourselves permission to take a risk, that we may well go down a path and say, You know what, I tried that, and it’s not for me. But again, this comes back to society, why do we not do it in the first place? Because I think we’re more concerned about what people will think, yes. And the judgment, right? of, you know, let’s, you know, oh my gosh, like she said, she wanted to start a business. But you know, 18 months later, she was back in corporate well, great, because perhaps she was meant to be there was really following something. And yeah, and learned in the process that that was not for her, and this has put on a path. But you know, people can become very judgy. And I think we become, we don’t pursue our desires, because we become so concerned about a disappointment, like, what if I really go for it, and things don’t work out? And it’s like, I feel like I’ve put my hopes and dreams on the line. And then secondly, judgment of others.
Samantha Riley 17:45
Yeah. 100%. And I think that judgment of others holds people back so much. And this is where it gets really crazy. The people that they’re afraid of being judged by and not the people that really are their champion is champion. Is that a word? Not at all. But we know what I mean? Yes, the supporters, the people that are champion chant, I can’t even say it now. The supporters, you know, the people that are the cheerleaders and saying, Hey, this is great. So, you know, we get so caught up in worrying about these people that we’re never going to be with us on this journey. Anyway. Yeah, it’s just crazy. You mentioned something before that I want to touch on slightly before we move in, because I think this part is so important. And we’re talking about having this inner circle. And it’s the safety of our inner circle, because I think that this can really, really, if this safety isn’t in place, it can really have us on shaky ground. What can you speak to about making sure that you are in a safe environment?
Vanessa Shaw 18:50
Gosh, that’s such a great question, who is a big one? It is, it’s a really big one, because there’s so many layers to this. And I can speak to kind of like where I started from, and probably where I’m at today. Because a lot of this does come down to trust, perhaps some of our sensing and intuition right around like, really? What is
Samantha Riley 19:13
the love that you’re bringing that in? Yeah, how does it feel
Vanessa Shaw 19:17
right? How does it really feel like, are we getting that vibe of who I’m really not sure. And then frankly, do we need to even like, especially coaches, I think perhaps this is the good side of like, you work with a lot of coaches, you know, do we really need to have like verbal contracts around things. And I hope that the people that we’re having those verbal contracts with are actually going to honor them, even if they’re verbal, right? I’m going to share something like will you really honor this as a confidence? So there’s a lot of layers to that kind of like a round Okay, the sharing and what do I need to say or ask for in order that I can feel like I’m in a safe place? Uh huh, advocate, you know, for myself and make sure that I’m making some of those things explicit. The reason I say that is I tend to be fairly naive. And still with all these years of my, you know, on this earth, I really believe everybody to be good. I that’s kind of my worldview. And so yes, it’s, I call it a slightly naive, perhaps worldview of people. And I have had some really unpleasant surprises, and not surprisingly, so right of when thinking that something was safe to share. And it wasn’t right, and somebody then took that thing. And it was used in perhaps in a harmful way, or shared in a way that shouldn’t have been right. And I can think of several times, and that’s happened over the years. So I’ve certainly learned a lot of discernment now, around who I share with, and really that sending of those people and really choosing those, finding those people. But the other piece for me, honestly, Sam has been like the safety net of I find safety within myself. So right, that’s where I’ve come to now after all of these years, is that I trust that I feel safe within myself. And that’s always a place I can come back to. I love that. Yes, right. Even if something has kind of happened out there, I’m going to feel safe within myself. And now I really trust that. So it’s like, it’s a safe place to be home. For me. I
Samantha Riley 21:42
love that so much. Now, there’s three common traps that you talk about, that women find themselves in when they’re trying to build this, you know, I call it an elegant empire, when people are really trying to step into their ambition and unapologetically say this is what I want. Can you just I guess roughly just give us those three things? And then let’s go into them deeper.
Vanessa Shaw 22:07
Totally. So the three that I see happening a lot are number one undervaluing themselves, right, so really not understanding the real value that they’re bringing to the table. And that can show up in lots and lots of different ways in business. Working with the wrong clients is a really classic one, way too much for free. So there’s the next one is boundaries. I think as women, we’ve certainly been conditioned to think that we’ve got to be the good girl, the nice girl, you know, say yes to everything, be pleasing, take care of everybody else. And I see that one as a real issue, again, in business, and boundaries with people with time with energy, not putting ourselves first and really like investing in ourselves and taking care of ourselves. That for me is a boundary issue. And then the third Egee kind of like my favorite of the three that they all stack together is money. So not talking about money, not being confident handling it knowing the numbers in our business pricing, generating it paying ourselves at the mean, there’s again, a whole host of things in that bucket of money.
Samantha Riley 23:20
Totally. All right. I think most people understand undervaluing and boundaries. What I’d really love to do is actually deep dive with you in the money. Because you know what, this is the conversation that people don’t talk about. A lot of people talk about boundaries. A lot of people talk about undervaluing, but not many people stand up and go money, a lot of people. And you’ve probably noticed this to even choke and feel uncomfortable using the word money, and they will dance around different words. And they don’t even use the word money. So let’s deep dive here. Yeah, what is the biggest you mentioned a few things not knowing your numbers. And I guess a lot of it sort of ties back with undervaluing pricing. What is the biggest problem that you see around money? That’s like, the first thing that you work on your clients with?
Vanessa Shaw 24:10
So I can’t honestly say there’s any one necessarily one thing because, you know, clients, we kind of meet them where they’re at. But I love to share the what I think is the big, dirty, dark secret that nobody is talking about when it comes to money. So when we look at women’s businesses, you know, everyone’s talking about today. Oh my gosh, women’s empowerment. And there’s so many women starting their businesses, and this is amazing. And like, like you go go, you’re doing great, right? Yep. And it kind of honestly stops that. It’s really where that conversation stops. The big dirty dark secret is that women are severely under earning and paying themselves in their business. So they are not most women that I speak to. If anything In paying themselves last, so they pay everything else first in the business and kind of like, what’s left over, is for me. So this is very much the matching of what they do in society. I’ll take care of everybody else first. And then I’m asked, yeah, and I hear stories from women where they are not the highest paid employee in their own business. They are actually hiring other people in their business and paying them more than they’re paying themselves. By the way, I have done that as well. So that’s how I, yeah, I was gonna say, I’ve been down that path. I’ve done it. I refuse to do it. Now. I’ve learned like, no, that doesn’t work out. Right. It’s like pay myself first.
Samantha Riley 25:40
Yeah, we’ve both reached that age where it’s like, Nope, no more.
Vanessa Shaw 25:43
Doesn’t work. Yeah. So Right. That’s the piece. Because oftentimes, when I start to say, Okay, so where are you at revenue wise, you know, where are you at profit wise? Oftentimes, they won’t even know those exact numbers. And then, you know, how much are you paying yourself? And the most common response, I get to that question is not enough. Wow, that is the most common response. Not enough Vanessa? Like, okay, so now, we start to that’s where my, you know, my reverse engineering comes into, like, what do you want to be like, What do you want the business to be paying you, because we can brag and talk about revenue and all the rest of it all day long. Like, if we don’t figure a few things out, you can have an awful lot more stress and still not be paying yourself what you want to. So yeah, so that’s kind of like the crux of the matter. And for me, that does tie straight back into, like, really valuing yourself, like, are they valuable employee an asset to the business, that tends to be a place as well, where women, as I say, that’s a place of like a lot of discomfort now, where oftentimes, where this kind of all gets kept in place, is there’s a lot of shame around that. By the time we’re having those conversations, the shame that I’m not paying myself, or the shame that my business isn’t profitable, or that I don’t know the numbers, right. So there’s a lot around this, you know, shaming ourselves as women, considering ourselves, you know, bad, bad business owners, it says a global, which unfortunately, again, just keeps this all in play, like it just keeps it all in the dark, right secretive place. So one of the things I really like to do there is normalize, you know, when I start to share stats with women, you know, like share a stat that only 12% of women owned businesses go over 100,000. And it’s just shocking statistic. Right? It’s a really shocking statistic. But because the women that we’re primarily working with are already over 100,000. So many times, I almost see like their shoulders go down. Oh, wow. I didn’t realize like, I’m doing better. Right. Yeah,
Samantha Riley 28:07
I mean, the 12%, this is a great place to start. Yeah.
Vanessa Shaw 28:12
Good place to start, right. And then when we get into, you know, perhaps about 300,000, you know, you probably in the top 5%. Now that you’ve got to understand, like, we’ve you know, we’ve made a lot of progress. So, I like to share those steps. I like to really normalize the conversation. Obviously, I share a lot about my own backstory, and why this work is so important. But then we also need the right tools and strategies, right? Because it’s like, everything’s got to work together in business as a system. So yes, sure, we are going to get into, like, let’s look at your offers, let’s look at how you’re currently pricing them. Let’s make sure you know, what are your expenses, like, let’s make sure that you really are priced for profit, and to pay yourself what you want, and what your services are worth. Not that you’ve just randomly, you know, thrown out some numbers there. And of course, it’s also going to come back into sales, right? We know full well that sales is the only activity in the business that brings money through the door, you can do everything else, you can do everything else and do a great job. But you know, marketing does not make the cash register ring. That’s set. Right and it’s those conversations and, and having a process to follow and feeling so much more confident about a speaking about our offers, and then being able to, frankly, roll off numbers off our tongue, like this so that there’s no question when it comes to stating fees. There’s no hesitation. So those are, as I say, those are some of those key places that we’ll start with. But then you know, depending because, again, you know, some of the women that we’re working with, they’re already running multi seven figure business right, those financial pieces Okay. to become more complex, because we’re going to be hiring team members, and we’re going to be looking at salary, and perhaps bonuses, performance bonuses, right, all of these other things that come into play. This is interesting thing. I’m actually I’m thinking of a couple of clients right now. But it’s actually I start to see that women bang up against the limitations, particularly, it’s still a money conversation once they start to hire a team. Because all of a sudden, I might discover that they’re doing something just a little crazy. And I’m like, Whoa, what’s that going on over there? And I’ll give a couple of examples, right? We’ve hired team, perhaps the business owner, she’s now at the point like, Oh, my God, I put in the work, I no longer want to be working this it’s Friday afternoons, right for sake of argument. And then all of a sudden, I discover the whole team has been given Friday afternoons off as well. I’m like, what, tell me about the thinking behind that it helped me understand what that’s about, like, is this a cultural thing? Is this a benefit for everybody? And again, it’s typically not, it’s more of a case of when I can’t expect others to do what I no longer want to do. And I don’t want them to think I’m lazy. Oh, wow. Or I’m getting rich, so to speak on the backs of them. And therefore, I’m giving them those perks, as well. Like, this is gonna get tricky when it comes to right salaries and performance plans and trying to scale a business. Right, this is a tricky place to be.
Samantha Riley 31:43
And let’s just call it for what it is, as the business owner, were the one that’s taking all the risk. We’re the one that’s paying the wages and the wages have to be paid. If we have a bad month, the wages still have to be paid. Were the ones that are, you know, we’ve essentially, yes, we are the benefit of the financial side. But we also are the person that’s got our head on the chopping block all the time, all the time. We are the visionary. We’re one that’s, you know, everything begins and ends with us. Yep. So that is something that I’m you can tell I’m super passionate about our team members. Yes, we can look after them. But what’s the, you know, we still need to look after ourselves more.
Vanessa Shaw 32:25
Totally, totally. It’s like, you know, because without us, right, there is no team there is? Yep, all these other things. And most of us in small business.
Samantha Riley 32:34
Exactly. Because at the end of the day, if our business doesn’t work, and we close it, all of those people lose their jobs.
Vanessa Shaw 32:43
Totally. Absolutely. That’s what I was gonna say, and most of us are wearing because we’re in small business, we are wearing multiple hats, right with, you know, we are doing sales, we might still be involved in delivery, and we’re leading our teams. And as you said, if all of that for some reason falls apart, yes, everybody is unemployed. So those are places where I say, I see it like this next level of women, when they get start to get teams, they can be, you know, really concerned about having the tough conversations. So it’s different. And again, I get it, they’re not pleasant to have tough conversations. But when somebody is underperforming, or they need to be held accountable for something, those are skills that we need to build. And by the way, they absolutely still have a direct line back to money. Because this is you are paying somebody right you are paying like it is money. And now somebody is not doing what they should be doing or so they’re operating at 60 to 70% capacity. Right? That’s now coming back out of your business and ultimately your pocket. So those like for me is like the next level of conversations that we have to have and say with team members, perhaps it’s with vendors as well that aren’t performing, you know, not delivering what they’re supposed to deliver. And again, that comes back to the Who are we being right, we were talking about the get rich without being a bitch as the title of my book that I’m writing. There are ways to have those conversations that can be still direct, clear, and kind. I don’t have to have them from a place of complete resentment, when frankly, indication is probably not going to come out as well as it could do. And I think that that is a place for again, as women, women leaders of business, we need more role models around good clear, kind communication. That still gets the job done. That’s not demeaning of the other person is not disrespectful, by the way if the other person receives it as such, right. And that’s not how it’s been delivered that’s on them. Yeah, right, that really is on them. But again, those are the conversations that are getting into with women, they, but I’m so concerned, they’re gonna think this of me and I’m like, You are the business owner, you are the leader here. Really you can’t control some of these things.
Samantha Riley 35:16
And I think that’s a really important part. Yeah. You said you are the leader here. I think that’s the really important part to step into that leadership. Because I feel that a lot of women will sort of back away. You know, you mentioned that before, when you were talking about the situation of, you know, team members not working on Friday afternoon. We need to lead the world is actually craving leaders, good leaders, kind leaders, but leaders that are really stepping forward and saying, Hey, this is what we’re doing. This is the way we’re doing it. And let’s go, huh?
Vanessa Shaw 35:54
Absolutely. And I, you know, just as you said, that exists, I’ve literally given this talk a couple of times, just last week, I was flying out to Colorado, and we’re just having some fabulous conversations around it around boardroom tables with women. And one woman shared that she was very consultative, let’s say with her team. And again, I just hear things and I’ve just heard that a lot over the years. So because they think they’re going to run something by me hang on a minute. Tell me more. And again, the overly consultative was when I really want to keep them happy. And I want to, you know, I want their voices to be heard, and that they’re a valuable part of the team. Everything I said, that’s all valid, right? Yes, absolutely. This is valid, but where again, it was starting to tip a balance here was now they start to think that they need to be consulted on absolutely everything. But they are part of leadership. And they’re part of the vision and they’re being consulted. And I said no, this is your business. Right? That’s the pieces you have to lead. And you’ve choose when you want a more consultative approach. But it doesn’t have to be across the board for absolutely every single decision. And of course, what I start to discover through there is yes, there is somebody that is very much underperforming in the role, they’ve had a conversation with them. But they don’t want to have that final conversation that really, you know, really says like, we are no longer fit for where we’re headed, because they’ve already had a couple of conversations. And that fear of war. We’re a small team and what you know, the others, they’ll see this. And, you know, I’m concerned that this reflects badly on me, I say you might want to start to think about but other people are observing this. Yes. And perhaps it’s already reflecting badly upon you, because you are actually not demonstrating that leadership. Have you stopped to think that top performers, your top performers on your team will actually respect you a lot more for having like making the tough decision? Busted. Okay, right. I’ve seen it in a completely different way now, right. But this is where again, we can kind of get in our own way, frankly, lose our power. When we need that to be leading our business more effectively.
Samantha Riley 38:27
Totally. And that is the importance of being, you know, looping right back to the beginning, the importance of being around the right people. We need those right people around us to create that safe space, the safety of being able to talk things through because business is challenging it is it’s not a walk in the park, let’s be honest, and the importance of having the right people around us so that we can understand that. We’re not the only crazy ones totally, that there are other people that have very big goals and dreams just like us. And that is perfectly normal. And okay, yes. Yeah,
Vanessa Shaw 39:09
totally. And I love hanging out with a bunch of crazies all day long. Thank you
Samantha Riley 39:15
know, Vanessa, I know that you’ve got a book The million dollar question. Can you talk to us about that and why people would benefit from reading this?
Vanessa Shaw 39:24
Totally a it’s a really short book, latte or a glass of red wine packs, and you can read it, so that’s perfect. Perfect. So the million dollar question came from a doctor that we were working with who was holding back on her own ambition. She had this desire to do her lead her practice in a very different way. She’s a top functional doctor here in the States functional medicine. And she was holding back on it and again for fear of backlash from the peers and actually, particularly guys like male doctors, and she was running an insurance On suppose practice, and I asked the question which the million dollar question which is what are you tolerating, because when we look at ambition, and what we want, we actually won’t get what we want, we’ll get what we tolerate. And we really do need these to work together. So we’ve got to be raising our standards around things that we are no longer willing to tolerate. Otherwise, we’re going to create a lot of stress for ourselves. And so she came to me actually in a break at one of my live events and had written everything on a piece of paper and said, This is what it’s costing me like, there’s a million dollars that I should have, in my practice, if I could make this move. And by the way, I’m hiring you to help me get it. And we work together, she actually sold off the part of the insurance based business, and we’re fully concierge functional medicine. She’s a an incredible woman, really incredible. And the practice has completely taken off. And I think now that the worry about the judgment is that she’s seeing a lot of other, you know, particularly family physicians that are very inspired by what she’s put in place and wanting to do the same. So the reason for going into that book is I give a whole process around mindsets that need to shift like a whole process for really discovering what you’re tolerating, and the cost of them, and some just simple, simple steps to start to rewire and raise standards. And I’d say stop tolerating some of those things that are really holding you back.
Samantha Riley 41:36
And where can people get a copy of that book?
Vanessa Shaw 41:39
That would be useful information. I noticed that yeah, and my website, business growth academy.com It’s just business growth. academy.com.
Samantha Riley 41:53
And of course, we’ll put that link in the show notes, so you can get it over, influenced by design podcast.com. Vanessa, it has been an absolute pleasure speaking with you, as always, I would love you, though, to leave our listeners with one piece of gold, that if this was the only thing they took away from this episode, that it would completely change their mindset in their business, what would it be?
Vanessa Shaw 42:19
Let’s go back to those desires, right, and the ambition, because that’s really where we were starting from, they have been given to you for a reason. They really have like those deeper desires that really feel like the calling and pulling you forward, they have been given to each and every one of us for a reason. And it is there for you know, it’s up to us to act upon them. And the piece of mindset around that really, really helped me was because at the time when we have a desire, we often think how we go into the how, right like, how am I going to do this. And some important distinction on the mindset there was, I have been given this desire for a reason, I therefore must, that the ability to fulfill on the desire must also exist, because otherwise it would be like giving me thirst or hunger, right? And not being able to act upon it, which frankly, feels like a really twisted joke. So I always sat in the truth of if I have the desire, the way to fulfill on it must exist, right? So there. I’m either going to be finding this within myself. And honestly, most times it’s an internal process of like following that desire, and starting to look at those next few steps. And of course, we’ve talked a little bit about community and the importance of say in a circles is if we are really drawing a blank then we have to say who can help me who can help me.
Samantha Riley 43:56
Love it. Love it. Love it. Love it. Vanessa, thank you so much for coming on the show. It’s been an absolute pleasure.
Vanessa Shaw 44:03
Oh, big hugs to you.
Samantha Riley 44:05
Thanks for joining me for this episode of the Influence By Design podcast. If you want more head over to influencebydesignpodcast.com for the show notes and links to today’s gifts and sponsors. And if you’re looking to connect with other experts who are growing and scaling their business to join us in the coaches, thought leaders, and changemakers community on Facebook, the links are waiting for you over at influencebydesignpodcast.com