Ready for next-level growth? Just watch out for these sneaky traps!
In this episode, Samantha probes into the hidden ways we hold ourselves back when trying to level up our success. Joined by fellow coach Candy Motzek, they explore why self-sabotage is often most potent at our most critical growth moments and how to sidestep it effectively.
Whether you’re just starting or already a seasoned pro, today’s revelations will help you recognise, combat, and transform these subtle resistance patterns into fuel for growth.
See just how deep the impact of befriending fear can go. If self-sabotage is your secret roadblock, today’s insights are here to make it a thing of the past.
IN THIS EPISODE YOU’LL DISCOVER:
- Will fear ever go away? (00:15)
- Self-sabotage is really just resistance in disguise (02:27)
- The antidote to fear-based hesitation (05:06)
- Candy’s two-step process for helping clients overcome self-doubt (09:12)
- Success isn’t a one-man show (10:52)
- Reframing fear as a positive, productive energy (12:15)
- High-quality hires and exponential organisational growth (14:49)
- Creating a mastermind effect that drives the business forward (18:30)
- How letting go frees you to focus on high-level impact (21:21)
- Are you productive, or just busy? (22:35)
- Balancing intense work with rest, reflection, and celebration (27:14)
- Reframing failure as invaluable data and insight (31:46)
- The shiny object syndrome (34:05)
- The magic of consistency and clever iterations (35:17)
- How to connect with Candy (42:25)
- Befriend your fear! (43:02)
RESOURCES
Feel the Fear … and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers
QUOTES
“You may have heard — new level, new devil. So it really is about what do we need to think about, apply, consider at each level to make sure that we’re reaching the next level of success.” – Samantha Riley
“Self sabotage is often just another form of resistance. We talk about the fear of losing — the fear of failing — and the fear of succeeding. Both have these fears attached to it.” – Candy Motzek
“If you can get 20-20 hindsight on all of the growth that you’ve done today, and you can see that, then it only makes sense that this future version of you is possible as well.” – Candy Motzek
“When you acknowledge that you’ve achieved something, that helps that fear not take over so much because you’re feeding back constantly — ‘Okay, I did that thing, but you know what? I achieved it. So it’s okay. It’s safe to do that again.’” – Samantha Riley
“I learn more from my mistakes than I do from my wins, because what I’ve had to teach myself is to always be asking, ‘What was the learning from this?’ Because it’s amazing, the learnings that you can take from things that you don’t perceive worked.” – Samantha Riley
“Fear will always be there. Let it come along for the ride. You just don’t let it take the steering wheel.” – Candy Motzek
SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW THE INFLUENCE BY DESIGN PODCAST
Thanks for tuning in to this episode of the Influence By Design podcast. If the information in any of our conversations and interviews has helped you in your business journey, please head over to Apple Podcasts, click the 3 dots in the top right corner of your smartphone screen, follow the show, and leave us an honest review. Your reviews and feedback will not only help us continue to deliver valuable content but will also help us reach even more amazing entrepreneurs just like you!
BOOK A BUSINESS ACCELERATOR CALL
If you want to be known as the leader in your industry, book a quick 15-minute call and we’ll work together to identify:
Your current situation and immediate opportunities for growth
Uncover the #1 thing holding you back from not being booked as an industry leader
Develop a 3-step implementation plan to increase your visibility
Click Here to book your no-charge Business Accelerator Call.
ABOUT CANDY MOTZEK
Renowned business coach for aspiring coaches. She specializes in empowering intelligent professionals to launch and grow successful coaching businesses. With a unique blend of practical strategy and mindset mastery, Candy helps her clients achieve greater clarity. Her calming & personalized approach enables coaches to play bigger, sign more clients, & create meaningful & profitable success. As a ‘recovering’ corporate executive & engineer, she combines her extensive business acumen with a deep understanding of personal development to guide her clients towards their fullest potential.
WHERE TO FIND CANDY MOTZEK
- Apple: She Coaches Coaches
- Spotify: She Coaches Coaches
- YouTube: She Coaches Coaches
- Website: https://stepintosuccessnow.com/
- Website: https://candymotzek.lpages.co/thrive-series/
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/candy-motzek/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/CoachCandyM/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/candymotzek/
- Free Gift: candysfreegift.com
CONNECT WITH SAMANTHA RILEY
Facebook: Samantha Riley
Instagram: @thesamriley
LinkedIn: Samantha Riley
Twitter: @thesamriley
TRANSCRIPTION
Samantha Riley 0:03
Welcome to today’s episode of Influence By Design. I’m your host, Samantha Riley, and today we’re going to talk about the little self sabotages that creep in when you’re trying to get to the next level. Now it’s easy to think that we just self-sabotage ourselves in the beginning of a journey, but when we’re creating a business, it’s, you know, you may have heard, new level, yeah, new level, new devil, had to question myself then for a minute. So it really is about, what do we need to think about, apply, consider at each level to make sure that we’re reaching the next level of success. And today, I’ve invited Candy Motzek to join me, so welcome to the show, Candy, it’s great to have you here.
Candy Motzek 0:44
Oh, thank you so much for having me on your show. I appreciate it and look forward to the conversation.
Samantha Riley 0:50
So we’re talking about self-sabotage. And to be honest, even as I was preparing for this interview, I had this little thought of self-sabotage. I don’t want, you know, there’s very, very different self-sabotage techniques when we’re starting a business to when we’re further along in the journey. And you know, when we came on ready to record, I said to you, I’m not sure this is the right topic, but as we started speaking out, I was like, this is absolutely the right topic, because the people that are listening, they are successful in what they do. They are experts. They don’t have a self-sabotage of sitting there and doing nothing. However, I do remember, I think back to a conversation I was having with one of our suppliers, actually, probably about 25 years ago, and she was in the nine figures at that time, and we were in six figures. So I was being in awe of her, and her and her husband had taken us out for dinner. And I was like, Oh Julie, I just can’t, you know, can’t wait till I have a business, you know, the size of yours, and not have to worry about all these, you know, things that stop me and hold me back. It must be so easy. And she went, Oh, Sam, Sam, Sam, it is not, it’s just a whole new set of problems that come up and, you know, a whole new mindset game that we need to be playing. So can we talk about that today, that next level mindset problems, or little self sabotage things that we do to protect us, right? How would you describe self-sabotage in your words?
Candy Motzek 2:27
Yeah, so self sabotage is often just another form of resistance, right? You know, we talk about the fear of losing, the fear of failing, and the fear of succeeding. Both have these fears attached to it, and so when I think of self sabotage, I think that, where’s the place that I might hold myself back because of one of those fears? And it can show up in many different ways, but like you said, it’s something that we’ve learned and something that protected ourselves.
Samantha Riley 2:59
Absolutely. What are some of the high level self-sabotage techniques that you see people playing out?
Candy Motzek 3:10
I think that, as you said, every stage of business, we have different self-sabotage things that happen, but we also have, there’s sort of an underlying theme to some of them. The first one that I see a lot is a real misunderstanding about fear, that we think that fear is going to go away, everything is going to be fine, just like you were describing how you had dinner with that other entrepreneur, you thought that you’d be past that. And it’s not true. So that’s the first place that I really see it.
Samantha Riley 3:43
I really want to dive into this, because this is actually bigger than what you made it sound, then you made it sound like, Oh, that’s really cute. That’s the thing. It’s fear. But like, let’s really get into the meat and potatoes of this, because I’ve been in business for well over 30 years now. I met Steven Bartlett earlier this year, and I gave him my book to sign, and we had a conversation, and he went, Sam, this is my takeaway for you today. I want you, in the next 12 months, because I’ve met him on my birthday, he’s like my birthday present to you is, over the next 12 months, I want you to fail more and fail faster. And it has literally changed my life this year. Even though I’ve been in business for over 30 years, built multiple seven-figure businesses, but it was just that reminder. And even last week, I did something, and it didn’t quite go as planned. But I had the idea, my husband is my biggest cheerleader. Within an hour, he’s like, let’s do it. We actually completed this thing on that day, and the next day, I was like, Oh, that did not go as planned, and it’s like, cool. What are the learnings? Bang, bang, bang, awesome. Now, how do we apply that to what we’re working on now? And I think that so many people are so afraid to just like, push that button. I can talk about the things that I felt, but I’d love to hear from you, what are the things that you see? Or, or even, you know what comes up for you when, when I even share that story?
Candy Motzek 5:06
Well, I just, reminds me of that speed of execution, right? So speed of execution is a path to success, and the resistance to that speed is, because we all went to school when we were children, and in school, you learned that success meant getting the A or getting the first class or getting the gold star, not just getting out there and getting dirty and trying right? And so it took a while to make that transition as an entrepreneur from, Can I just go out there and try it and then learn from it, and still be okay as a human? As opposed to, I need it to be right. I need to make sure that I look good, that I’m not taking too big of a risk, that I’m not sacrificing myself, my relationships, the success that I’ve created to date, right? So I think that there’s, there is this, you know, the education system, as good as many are, there is a different mentality there. And so to learn how to fail, I’m still learning. And listen, I’ll tell you, I will find that, for me, it’s that I hold back. I don’t go out and execute now. I have a great idea, and then I might research it. I might talk to some people, instead of just getting out there. That sounds like you’re faster to the execution, and that makes all the difference.
Samantha Riley 6:35
It’s a learned thing, though. And I want to, I really want to say that, because it still feels fearful. It still feels that sick pit in your stomach sometimes, you still feel, How are people going to judge me? You still feel, what the heck am I doing? But I think back to when I launched my first group program, and you’re going to hear that I do have very fast execution, because I woke up in the morning. I had this idea. Obviously, I dreamed that , my team laugh at me all the time. So go, did I dream that? Or was it real? Because I dream a lot. Obviously, you know, work through things in my head, quite a lot, in my dreams, and I so I woke up, I had this idea, I’d been up as maybe it was dark, so let’s say it was 5am, sun had come up by 7am I thought, Oh, I know one of my friends will be out of bed. I messaged him, Can you give me a hand with this? He was like, Yep, I can get that website up for you right now. I said, No, just wait. I’ll see if I can get 10 clients today, and then if I do, let’s go on it tomorrow. Well, I did by the end of the day, I got 10 clients. Was that program, the program that I still have today? No, we’re on about our fifth iteration. However, if I didn’t go on that program in that one day, I never would have got the data and the feedback and the learning that I got to be able to turn it into what it is today. And I think that people sit back trying to make sure that they get that final iteration right on day one.
Candy Motzek 8:03
And the thing that you said that really stuck with me was that you still get that feeling in the pit of your stomach. You still get that, Oh no. This is, I really want to do this, but that heavy, it’s like a rock in my stomach when I do it. And I mean, that’s a biological thing, right? Like that is a self-protection mechanism. And how do we learn to feel that, to not push it away, to not deny that we’re scared and still take the action anyway, right? Like that is like the Dr. Susan Jeffers book from all those many years ago, Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. It’s like, it is the only way to courage, you know, the only way through to confidence, the only way through to that fifth iteration or the second iteration, and ultimately, the only way for me to help the people that I am meant to help and to become the person who I meant to become, right. So it’s so key to our own evolution as well, to learn how to manage that fear.
Samantha Riley 9:12
How do you help your clients manage that? Because they would obviously come to you and say, Oh, I’ve got this idea, or I’m doing this thing, and then, oh, it’s not quite perfect, or I don’t feel right. How like, what’s the process that you can use to help them to move through that?
Candy Motzek 9:26
Yeah. So the first step is, I teach all of my clients journaling, and if you look over my shoulder here, you can see some, some, all of my journals, but we have a journaling process that I teach, and that is helpful, because they can do that in the moment. They don’t have to wait until the next group session, until their next private call. They can take ownership right now. The second is, when you’re working with somebody, my job is to see the bigger version of them, right, like I see who they can become, and it’s up to me to hold that and to remind them of it. For them, it’s just a little bit of a mirage that, like it’s a little idea that maybe kind of sorta, but I can see them. And so that’s part of the process as well, is to see that future version of yourself and to know that it is there. It’s already possible for you, and not in kind of a fluffy sort of way, but to know that if you can get 20-20 hindsight on all of the growth that you’ve done today, and you can see that, then it only makes sense that this future version of you is possible as well. So you can prove it to yourself from that standpoint too, but to see what is possible for you to actually create that next thing.
Samantha Riley 10:52
As you were speaking, I guess the question that came up is, do you think that people really need someone there beside them to help them, support them, to be a sounding board, to help them see something that they can’t beside them? Do you think that people can do this on their own? Because I’m intrigued to hear your take.
Candy Motzek 11:15
Yeah, no, I don’t think you can do it on your own. I think there are so many different kinds of support, but we are not meant to be working in an isolation, right? Like we’re not an island unto ourselves. So you know, as you said, your husband gives you all kinds of support. Maybe it’s a coach, maybe it’s a mentor, maybe it’s a peer who is at about the same level as you, maybe it’s a friend, like you said, the person you called them up and said, Hey, can you help me with this website or landing page? So we need people around us. We also still need to have that relationship with ourselves, and that’s a big deal. How do you support yourself? And so all of these different kinds of relationships are good at different times. Not everybody needs to hire a mentor right now, but you can’t do it all on your own, unless you’re going to be all the trial and error and mostly error, and never actually make that headway that you really want.
Samantha Riley 12:15
Yeah. Love that so much. I think that fear is such a big topic, and I feel that some people think that at some point down the track, it doesn’t happen anymore. And I really want to have the conversation saying, as far as I know, well, it never has stopped for me. I’ve spoken to people that are far, far ahead of me, and they still have that fear. And I think that we need to normalise that, that we still feel the fear no matter what level, because we’re always going to the next level, so we’re going into unknown waters, so that fear is always going to be there.
Candy Motzek 12:55
I agree, and as you’re talking, I’m thinking to myself, I know that logically, and then I still have to remind myself, you know, like Candy, why are you so scared again? Like, it’s not like you haven’t taken these big leaps before. And then it’s like, oh, fear is going to be there. Fear is that constant companion. Have you ever seen the cliff divers in Acapulco? You know, there’s the people, they stand on these little pieces. I’ve stood there and watched them, and they stand on these little pieces of rock. And, you know, those divers, they dive every day, and still, just at that moment when they’re going to jump off, they still have that little hit of fear. You know, even though they’re experts, even though they have built some skills, they know the water. They know where the rocks are, they know the risks, and yet they still have that little bit of fear. And I think you’ll see that with those cliff divers and also with performers. If they’re not nervous, it’s a flat performance, and it’s not satisfying. So there’s something about the energy of the fear that we could use to help us, right? So there is, you know, to approach the sensation of fear in a different way. You know, I choose excitement over fear. My body does the same thing. I get to frame what it is.
Samantha Riley 14:26
Yeah, that was a huge realisation for me when I found out that excitement and fear are the same. How do you say it? You can probably articulate this better than me, like it’s the same thing in our body. I can’t think of another word besides thing.
Candy Motzek 14:41
Yeah, I call it the sensations. It’s the sensations in my body, the rock in my stomach, you know, sweaty palms, all of that, right?
Samantha Riley 14:49
Yeah, yeah. I love this. So we’re talking about self sabotage, going to the next level. Being able to move through fear is definitely the first thing. What else do you see coming up for people that are ready to go or wanting to go to the next level?
Candy Motzek 15:07
Yeah. So the next thing that I would talk about is the thinking that you can do it all yourself, you know. So we were talking just before you hit record, and just saying, you know, a lot of these people have assistants. They have a VA, but maybe they don’t have a full team, maybe they don’t have a project manager or an OBM, and so that place where you hang on to some of those tasks, thinking that you can do them better, instead of knowing that there are some amazing VAs out there who are far more skilled at that topic than you are, so that you can continue in that role of visionary, and like your description of dreaming up a group program and then launching it and selling 10 spots that day, you can’t do that if you’re also scheduling your emails and fiddling with a lead magnet right, like you’ve got to release. So the mistake is that you hold on for too long. Instead of hiring in advance and knowing that you’re getting that additional resource or team ready for you, you wait until you need them, and then you hire, so you’re always behind the eight ball instead of proactive and in advance.
Samantha Riley 16:29
Totally, love that. I think, for me, or the other people that I speak with, a lot of the fear is, I don’t want to, or I can’t afford to pay for that person yet. Yet, I guess, the epiphany in this, or what you need to pay attention to, is that when you do hire that person, and you are working back in your genius, and you’re able to make the sales, you are able to pay for that person, also knowing that you need to make wages at the end of the month or at the end of the week can really push you too, because you think, Well, I can’t let them down. I can’t just say, Oh, I can’t pay you this week. So that can really push your buttons too. To say, alright, I better get out there and do this thing. But definitely having a team is one of the greatest things that you can have for your business. One of the, I didn’t work, well, I say it didn’t work corporate. I did for about two years. I was done by the time I was 20. So I don’t have the big corporate background that you did, but one of the pieces of advice that I got many, many years ago is always hire the best. Because when you hire the best, it takes your entire organisation up, instead of just like, oh, this is the only person that I can afford to hire now, I’ll just go with that, with that person, but even though it’s not quite what you want, like, go for the best.
Candy Motzek 17:55
Yeah. And you know, so they, not only does it take your whole organisation up, but it’s an exponential growth, right? You’ve hired somebody who has that particular skill set, who is a real A-level player, and then they bring their best game to the organisation. You pair that with the rest of your team also playing their best game, and you, and it gets this exponential growth. And I think that you can create things that you might not have even ever imagined, because you’ve got the right people, right. Like it’s a little bit of magic, actually. There was one thing that I wanted to mention as well, so definitely the right person. And I know this sounds a little bit odd, but you might not actually like them that much at the beginning, you want to respect. Interesting, right? Like the people that work with me, I really respect them, but it’s, they’re not there to pat my ego, right? They’re there to be the A-player with the vision, not to, you know, pat me on the head and go, Oh, that’s a great idea. That’s not what we want. We want to be challenged. So be prepared that maybe hiring that perfect person for you in that moment isn’t somebody that you would love to sit down and have a glass of wine with. You might have a different kind of relationship with them.
Samantha Riley 19:24
Oh, I love that. That was really, really valuable, because you want people to question all the time, not question whether you’re doing the right thing, but question and just ask the right questions to have you thinking more deeply and go, Oh, good question, is it that, or is it something else? I really, really love that. The other thing that you mentioned there was, you know, you’re coming together, and you never know where you’re going to go. I almost feel this is like a mastermind, but with your team, it’s that same sort of idea. We had a live event at the beginning of the month, and we had a coaches’ meeting at the end to kind of debrief and discuss where we wanted to go. And it was great. It was, you know, we were sitting out in the sun and having breakfast, and it was all relaxed, and we were debriefing, and we were talking about the next year, and I said, Oh, I’ve got this idea. Then my husband went, Oh, what about this? And then the other coach goes, Oh, what about this? And what we were doing was just adding that little bit extra, little bit extra, little bit extra. And what we came up with, not one of us could have come up with on our own, but together, we came up with a really phenomenal plan. So I feel like what you’re saying, it’s almost like your team is masterminding with you.
Candy Motzek 20:37
Yeah, exactly, and I hadn’t thought about it that way. I like that perspective on it very much. It’s the, and, you know, so instead of but, but it’s the and, and this and this and this, right?
Samantha Riley 20:51
And I’ve never thought about it either. So this is the power of masterminding, right? Recording a podcast interview. We’re like, Oh, what about this? I love that. Being able to, let’s talk about a little part of team before we move on. And it’s that little tiny bit of, but I know that I can do that better. Can you speak to that? Because I see this a lot.
Candy Motzek 21:21
And maybe you can, maybe you can do that really well. But is that what the next level is calling you to do? Right? Like, maybe you are really great at, I’m not sure, something on social media. But is that, is that the next level of your business is that what it asks for? There’s nobody saying you have to continue growing. Once your business is at a certain level, if you’re satisfied and you’re growing in other areas of your life, great. But if you want your business to grow, that’s the question, right? If I want my business to grow, is this time for me to release it?
Samantha Riley 22:04
But even still, I always think, well, you know, do you want to be, even if you’re happy with that size, what if you could take some more, or some more time away from your business? Take a step away from it? I’ve had a business where I didn’t need to be there, where it was fully managed. It was lovely. You just have the money coming in every week. It was nice.
Candy Motzek 22:29
I love that idea.
Samantha Riley 22:35
Yeah, let’s talk about another self-sabotage, because I know you’ve got a few here.
Candy Motzek 22:39
Yeah, yeah, we’ve got a couple more still, don’t we? So it’s this confusing being busy with being productive. And so, you know, that’s not a new topic, right? Like, we know that it’s really easy for us to keep just spinning our wheels and spend time working in a business, but what do we really need to do? And one of the things that I found recently is having my own personal SOP, you know, what do I need to do to create that result? What am I now willing to do? What do I have to have a good, firm conversation with myself? You know what? I wasn’t really willing to do that thing before, but if I want that now, I know what my choice is. Am I willing to do that thing? Am I willing to focus there and be productive in that area? Or would I prefer just to be busy and just to kind of keep on, keep working on things. So that would be the third place.
Samantha Riley 23:43
What’s an example or what is something that has personally been that little epiphany for you, where you’re like, if I want that thing, I need to do that?
Candy Motzek 23:54
Yeah. So an example for me is I have a podcast as well, and I love doing interviews, and I love doing solo episodes, and I have a company that does the editing, and they make everything lovely, and they publish it for me. But then there’s all the other things, like, making sure the pre-questionnaire is done before an interview, making sure that the blog post is ready to go. And I am one that would, if I could, I would go and I would tinker in there and do that. Now I know that it’s just time to release that. And so what I’ve done with my VA is I just turned on Zoom, I did everything end to end, and then I handed it to the VA so she can go and implement and look at what I do, and then say, you know, don’t you think that you’ve kind of wasted some time there? Here’s a way that we could improve the process. So that’s a personal example, because I love my podcast and I love having those conversations.
Samantha Riley 24:59
I love that so much. I think that every single one of us can get caught up in that busy rather than productive at some time or another, because human, you know, there are certainly some days where I leave a Facebook tab open instead of getting in there and shutting the tab, you know, and you can get caught down a rabbit hole and at the end of the day, you’re like, Oh, what did I actually do? And sometimes you just need to do that because maybe you’re a bit tired or not in the right frame of mind. And we don’t have to be productive 24/7, you know, every single day, because we’re not designed to be that either, but we need to rein in. We need to be training ourselves to be aware that we’ve done that.
Candy Motzek 25:49
And I think what you’ve just spoken to is that difference between the employee mindset, you know, where you put in x number of hours at your desk, versus the entrepreneur mindset, right? An employee, some days they’re on the ball, some days they’re not as on the ball, and that’s okay. But when we’re entrepreneurs, do you want to be like an employee? Or would you like to be an entrepreneur, in which case, productivity, which isn’t about doing more, it’s about doing the right thing, right? Like, that’s the thing, yeah, maybe you’re right, right for the day is just one little thing. Do that, you’re done.
Samantha Riley 26:32
How do you work your week? So when you talked about your personal SOP, what does that look like? Like, is it a daily thing? Is it a weekly thing? Is it a project-based thing?
Candy Motzek 26:47
I’m mostly project based. So content that I create, I have Mondays is creation day. That’s the day that I either make sure that all the emails are content organised for the month, or my podcast episodes are ready to go, or I’ve designed another workshop or training for my group plan. And so project-based and batching, always batching right?
Samantha Riley 27:14
Love that, I think what you said, and I just want people to really take away that we shouldn’t get into the mindset of just working, we’ve gotta be on nine to five, because I know earlier this week, I did a really late night because I was working on a project, and I worked well after dinner, but the next day, I think I just did one thing, and it was just pretty much kind of tying up what I’d thrown to the team the night before. I need, you know, I need this, this, this, this, this, and all I did was just, the only thing I did the next day was just pull it all together and send it off. That was it. Because also, we need to really look after ourselves, and we can’t just keep up that go, go, go, go all the time. But also to understand, well, for me personally, if I, because I’m a generator in human design, if I’m really excited about something, I’ll just go, go, go. But I also need to understand that even though I’m a generator, the next day, I might need to look after myself a little physically, and just like calm the farm a little.
Candy Motzek 28:21
Generator here. I get it. I get it. I understand. And the piece that I also find helpful there is to remind myself when to feel satisfied like, you know, after you had that late day because you were working on some things and then wrapped up the loose ends, at the end to remind yourself, as part of that recharging, to go, Oh, that feels good. I did really good work there. I’m satisfied with that, and I think that helps to sort of close the bracket on the project.
Samantha Riley 28:55
Do you have specific questions that you ask yourself with specific reflections to be able to decide that you are satisfied? Because I think that there’s so many people, and I’ve definitely been caught in this in the past, you’re always working towards the next thing, and you never stop and think, What have I achieved? Or actually, I’m really proud of myself for that. And in the past, I’ve always just been so future-focused that I’m not satisfied. So do you have a process, or did you just have to teach yourself to stop and reflect?
Candy Motzek 29:27
So, yeah, okay, so vulnerable moment here all those journals that are behind me, that’s me working out my process. I do not have a set process, but it’s this, I know that every day I journal, every day I meditate, every day I do EFT Tapping, and I always want to make sure that my goals are top of mind. So as I write every day, and part of the writing I do is reminding myself the goals that I’m working towards and going to that place of when that goal is complete, the future self. It also reminds me to go to the place where that project is complete. You know that two-day project or one-week project? When this is done, this is what is good work for me, right? So then I’ve been writing about it, so now it’s like, it is done. It’s good work. And to remember, like, celebrate. I hear that word a lot. It’s not quite celebrate, like, go out with the balloons and the party and all that. It’s about, it’s again, it’s a sort of internal feeling of like, this is the work I meant to be doing, and I did a good job with it. Yeah.
Samantha Riley 30:44
I love that you actually articulated that. Because I’ve never quite put my finger on that celebration piece, because people say celebrate. In my mind, I think, champagne, party. But it’s not that at all. That celebration isn’t quite the, you know, what we perceive as celebration. It really is just a, gosh, what is the word that you used?
Candy Motzek 31:15
Acknowledgement. Are you satisfied? Because, especially because that is the generator thing, but also it’s, it’s an acknowledge. There’s a thread of its integrity. I set out to do this good work, and I upheld my word to myself and to the process and to what I was creating and my clients. But it’s an acknowledgement and a respect as well, right? Like, does that make sense?
Samantha Riley 31:46
Oh, it makes perfect sense. And where my brain just went is that actually loops back to the very first thing we’re talking about, fear. When you acknowledge that you’ve achieved something, that helps that fear not take over so much because you’re feeding back constantly. Okay, I did that thing, but you know what? I achieved it. So it’s okay. It’s safe to do that again. So it’s like, it’s very, it’s very holistic.
Candy Motzek 32:12
And so, and just to add on to that, even though, like in the example, maybe you didn’t get the result that you thought you were going to get, and you could have interpreted that as a fail, by acknowledging it that I set out to do this and I accomplished it, reminds you that you actually succeeded because you took the action, right. And so it rewrites that feeling of, making a mistake isn’t actually making a mistake, it is that place of, right?
Samantha Riley 32:44
And we learn more from our mistakes, don’t we? Well, I just assumed I do. I learn more from my mistakes than I do from my wins, because what I’ve had to teach myself is to always be asking, and like I said earlier, what was the learning from this? Because it’s amazing, the learnings that you can take from things that you don’t perceive worked, and all of a sudden you’re like, you know what, that is exactly what I needed to know, and I just didn’t understand that I’d got that answer in a different way.
Candy Motzek 33:19
Thank you for that. I’m still learning that. I still have that internal struggle. I always want to be learning. I’m always moving to the next level, but I don’t always reframe that fail as a learning, so I appreciate that.
Samantha Riley 33:36
A pleasure, and you know, to be human about this, I don’t always right at the beginning either, because, let me tell you, I can sometimes wallow in it for a little. Oh my goodness. What have I done? I failed.
Candy Motzek 33:55
And I know that wallowing, sometimes like a mud bath, which is good for your skin. But no.
Samantha Riley 34:05
I’m loving this conversation so much. Now I’m pretty sure you’ve got one more. Am I right here?
Candy Motzek 34:11
Yes, you are. And so it is this place where we allow ourselves to be distracted, and this is a little bit different than the productivity, because distracted is that shiny object syndrome that we know about. So for example, your Facebook tab, really easy to go in and see what’s happening in that interesting conversation. And the way that I look at it is that we’re chasing that fun, fast, easy pass. And I know there’s a lot of talk these days about dopamine and good dopamine, bad dopamine, and all that stuff, but this idea of chasing the immediate pleasure versus the long term satisfaction, and I think that’s the place where the distraction, chasing the shiny object, really self-sabotages us. We forget that the satisfaction is actually the reward, and chasing that dopamine hit holds that satisfaction away from us.
Samantha Riley 35:17
I see this in people, and you mentioned this before we started recording, too. I see this in someone saying, Oh, I haven’t sold as many places in my program this month. I’m going to try this new Instagram strategy, but trying it for three weeks and then going, oh, that didn’t work. Let me go try this YouTube strategy. Oh, that didn’t work. Let me try a podcast. And what do we see? People with seven episodes of a podcast. Well, of course, it’s not going to work in a short period of time. But also, they’re not really thinking about, what is that end goal and reverse engineering, what is it that I need to do? But then, like, really going deep with that, saying, Okay, well, if I’m going to do this, A to get me to Blike, I need to be consistent. What do I need to have in place? What do I need to really think about, rather than just, oh, let me just try this. Throw it out there.
Candy Motzek 36:09
Agreed. So a definite yes on that, and especially this place where we think, we have this imaginary thought that for other people it was easier and faster, and so to begin with the end in mind, thank you, Dr. Stephen Covey for that. But to begin with the end in mind, and then reverse engineer, while working with our own strength. Like I’m a podcaster as well, because I love podcasts. I love conversation, so I know that my way is conversation and to have the influence, they work together, so I don’t expect to be good right away. So there’s that, and the long term commitment is important. There is a fellow that I follow on YouTube. He does EFT Tapping, and his name is Brad Yates. He has a really genuine personality. He releases a new video every Monday morning at some early hour of the day. And just yesterday, I was looking at some of his most popular videos, and I looked at that. And I thought, Oh, this one’s super popular. I clicked on it, and I realised it was 17 years old. Oh, wow. Right. And so the idea that seven podcast episodes or seven YouTube videos, and that somehow it’s going to create something and give you enough data to decide that it’s a useful tool is a total fallacy. We choose the path, the goal, we choose our path to the goal, and then we stick with it and we measure the heck out of it. Take the data, get your VA to put it in a spreadsheet, look for the trends, and in advance, set yourself, you know what? In six months I’m going to decide what needs to shift. Yes, podcast, but maybe I want longer episodes or shorter episodes, right? Not changing tactics entirely, but adjusting our tactic to go with it.
Samantha Riley 38:19
But consistency there is a huge part of it. I mean, 17 years, that’s not just something that, oh, I’ll give that a go in and, you know, and I hear it, people go, Oh, I did three, three of those posts, and nothing happened. I didn’t sign clients. We kind of got to put in a little more effort than that. You know, how many people, you’ve gotta throw it back, right? How many people do you see three times everyone and then spend a whole bunch of money with them? Very unlikely, right? That’s not the way we purchase anymore. You need to be out there and doing it. I was chatting with someone the other day that had contacted me that came to an event that I ran in Hawaii in 2017. He has only just reached out again, and I said to him, oh, you know what made you reach out? He said, A, that event was the best event I’ve ever been to. And B, you are so consistent. He said, You show up every single day in my feed, you show up every day in my inbox. You have never changed your message. You’re consistently just providing the same content, he said, and I’ve just met so many people over the years that are all over the place. And he went, I just had to come back to the point that I knew that, you know, I’ve been following you for that long that I had to reach out.
Candy Motzek 39:44
Wow. What a great, I don’t know, what great feedback to know that consistency, it’s not distraction, it’s not necessarily fun, fast, always great, but it’s so effective, right? And so just one more thing about that, Sam is, you know, like when my clients expect to do three posts and wonder why they’re not fully booked, I remind them about a brick and mortar store. You know, like a brick and mortar store, they plan, they buy the stock well in advance. They do all the fit up, they get their fixtures, they get the lighting, they get the permits, they finally have a soft opening, and then an opening, and then, how many years does a brick and mortar shop expect to work before they’re turning a profit, right? Like for many of them, it’s a couple of years. And so why is, why is an online business any different than a regular business, other than the fact that we get to talk and you and I are across many oceans from each other, right?
Samantha Riley 40:52
100%, and that doesn’t mean that in an online business that it can’t work really quickly. However, what I’ve discovered, and there is always an exception to the rule at any point of the conversation. But what I’ve discovered is those overnight successes are people that have, again, gone back to originally what I said, multiple iterations. So they’re coming with all of these learnings, and then all of a sudden they all come together and pop, it just magically appears and it works.
Candy Motzek 41:24
Interesting. So perhaps they’ve had other businesses, maybe they’ve been part of another business, and then they finally brought all that information that they know, all of the skills and the strengths and it works.
Samantha Riley 41:37
Yeah, or maybe even multiple programs in different, slightly different areas where they’ve got the data to understand all of those things that I’ve been saying, it’s not quite right. You know, it takes a little while to get that dial right. So, yeah, that’s just what I’ve seen.
Candy Motzek 41:56
Oh, that’s helpful. I like that. That’s really helpful.
Samantha Riley 41:59
Yeah. So we’ve talked, you’ve provided a ton of value here. I’ve loved this conversation, and I think this is the kind of conversation that, you know when people hear little things firing off in their brain going, huh, that’s exactly what I needed to hear. Now I’m going to do this differently, or I hadn’t thought about it that way. For people that have been listening and they want to stay connected with you. How can they do that?
Candy Motzek 42:25
So the easiest way is to come and listen to my podcast. We’re on a show, so come and listen to another podcast. It’s called She Coaches Coaches, and I am on all the platforms, so it’s really easy to find me.
Samantha Riley 42:37
Love that. And of course, we’ll put all the links in the show notes. So whatever platform you’re listening on, just scroll below, you’ll find all the links there to connect with Candy and follow along with more valuable conversations. Candy, if there was one thing that you wanted to leave listeners with today that would help them to take some sort of action from what they’ve been listening to today, what would that be?
Candy Motzek 43:02
It would be to befriend their fear and to know that fear will always be there. Let it come along for the ride. You just don’t let it take the steering wheel, but you put him in the passenger seat, you talk to him, you give him good ice cream and maybe a fluffy blanket, comfort the fear and remind the fear that you’re an adult and you will take care of him and you don’t have to get hurt. I’ll take care of you.
Samantha Riley 43:33
I love that so much. Thank you so much for being a guest today. It’s been an absolute pleasure having this conversation with you.
Candy Motzek 43:39
Thank you for having me.
Leave a Reply