For many years, people have associated success with Intelligence Quotient (IQ). However, backed by years and years of research suggest that Emotional Intelligence outperforms IQ in the success metre. So how can this intangible yet critical factor lay the groundwork for successful business leaderships and relationships?
In this episode of Influence by Design, we discuss harnessing emotional intelligence to empower business relationships with Sherrie Laryse. Sherrie’s focus on teaching emotional intelligence is reinforced by years worth of experience in working with human behaviour, neurolinguistics, grief, trauma, and more.
In a nutshell, Emotional Intelligence is about understanding our own emotions. For Sherrie, being able to decipher personal sentiments is key to understanding anybody else’s. In the business space, Emotional Intelligence serves as a valuable asset that fosters a healthy relationship between peers and clients.
When utilised properly, Emotional Intelligence empowers relationships – it ensures individuals are equipped on how to look at other’s points of view, handle “difficult” clients and lead better collaborative initiatives.
IN THIS EPISODE YOU’LL DISCOVER:
- What is Emotional Intelligence and why Sherrie went down this path (02:23)
- What can business owners do to ensure they’re emotionally intelligent (08:31)
- Why challenges are important for personal growth (14:05)
- How to deal with difficult clients (21:50)
- The importance of understanding and living by your highest values (24:45):
- Sherrie’s catalyst for writing her book (31:50)
- “Emotional intelligence is understanding our own emotions. Because if we can’t work through our own, we certainly can’t understand or even attempt to understand anybody else’s.” -Sherrie Laryse
- “Our toughest clients are our biggest opportunity for learning and upskilling.” -Sherrie Laryse
- “Your emotions will get in the way of every decision. You want to make sure that they are empowered emotions, to ensure that you’re making empowered decisions.” -Sherrie Laryse
- “Unconscious beliefs and limitations from a long time ago can affect what we’re doing today. We need tools that can help us to show up or play at a different level.” -Samantha Riley
WHERE TO FIND SHERRIE LARYSE
- Website: https://www.sherrie.com.au/
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sherrie-laryse-822740122/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sherrie.laryse/
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ABOUT SHERRIE LARYSE
Sherrie Laryse is an Author, Teacher and Mentor with 12+ years working in human behaviour, neuro linguistics, grief, trauma, psychosomatics, mental illness, yoga and meditation.
Sherrie’s focus is teaching emotional intelligence. She does this via private consultation, public speaking, and through her recent book, On Path.
TRANSCRIPTION (AI Generated)
Sherrie Laryse Snippet (00:00)
As humans we designed to grow. To grow, we need challenge, we can either go out and pursue a challenge that we choose. Or if we say no to all of them, and say no to all of the challenges that are voluntary, then we’re going to have one thrown on us. That’s involuntary.
Samantha Riley Intro 00:17:
Welcome to the Influence By Design Podcast. I’m Samantha Riley, authority positioning strategist for coaches and experts. If you’re ready to build a business that gives you more than just a caffeine addiction, and you dream of making more money, having more time, and having the freedom to be living your best life, then you’re in the right place, it’s time to level up.
Welcome to today’s episode of Influence By Design, I’m your host Samantha Riley.
And today we’re talking about emotional intelligence. Now, when I spoke to today’s guests originally, we actually spoke because she reached out and I was like, I’m not I’ll be honest, I’m not 100% Sure This fits with the topics that we talked about on the podcast, I wasn’t quite sure how it would all work, and I got onto the phone to Sheree. And we just chatted and chatted and chatted. And I got to the point where I’m like, let’s just stop it right here. Because otherwise, we’re going to just almost record a whole episode before we even get to the recording. So I want to introduce you to Sheree larice, who’s an author, teacher, mentor with over 12 years working in human behavior, neuro linguistics, grief, trauma, Psychosomatics, mental illness, yoga meditation, so she’s really done a lot of work. Her focus is on teaching, like I said, emotional intelligence. And she is the author of her recent book that’s just been released on the path. So welcome to the show. Sheree. Thank you so much, sir. So happy to reconnect with you. Ah, I’m really looking forward to this because like I just said, our conversation did flow just in all different directions. Last time we spoke and we ended up having to write notes to ourselves to remind ourselves because we went down all sorts of rabbit holes really quickly. Before we dive into this topic, I’d love you to give our listeners a little bit of a, I guess, a foundation of what it is that you do, and very briefly how you got into it.
Sherrie Laryse (02:21):
Okay, so emotional intelligence, if I start with what that is, as a definition, I think I’ve heard some people say that emotional intelligence is understanding other people’s emotions, which are, firstly want to bring that back and say it’s understanding our own emotions. Because if we can’t work through our own, we certainly can’t understand or even attempt to understand anybody else’s. And it’s also emotional intelligence is not about obviously, it’s not about not feeling, it’s not about being unaffected by life’s up and downs, because then life’s ups are really up and some of the downs are really down. So it’s more about learning how to process what we go through. So we can bring ourselves back to stable ground back to equilibrium more quickly. So it’s emotional resilience. It is building your resilient muscle, if I can say that. So yeah, the way I got into it was, I am a bit of a learning junkie, actually, as many of us are, right how, like I just I love living my life to Yes, continue learning. And I am to the point now where I’m 45 and I’m back to uni, studying cognitive and brain science, like I just, I need to feed my brain. So back in the days, though, when I was in corporate, I was, I guess, feeling a little stale, mentally. And although I was mentally challenged at work, it was very linear. It was very about finance and money and dollars. And that is quite a passion of mine. I’m really big on money management, and especially for females being setting yourself up to be financially free. I’m a big advocate for that. But I found there was a whole other part of me that was just unfulfilled. Like, what else is out there? How do we work? Why do I like this? What else might I like? So I started going on this learning pathway and met a few really, I would say pivotal teachers in my life. The first one was an NLP teacher. And as soon as I learned NLP, I set myself three really big goals and as in getting out of my job that I had grown bored of by then meeting my husband and getting a bunch of cash, and I got all of them in one week. Wow. I No. So from that point I was, okay, there’s something in this, there’s something in getting a hold of our subconscious mind, and really attuning it to our goals.
Then I started learning from a behavioral specialist. And that was very much about emotional intelligence and how to process your hard times how to process obstacles, and how to essentially find the benefits to life’s drawbacks. And in that way, it doesn’t just seem like a bad thing, a sad thing, a dead end, and I’ve got no way out of this. But you can actually see how it’s progressing you in life as well, and how you’re growing from it. So I started learning all of that and applying it to different things in my life. Then I had a nice, big, chunky thing in my life to use these tools for. And that was my experience in not being able to fall pregnant. So my husband and I tried for I think it was just over seven years. Before we kind of called it and said, Alright, we’re done. It’s just the two of us. Yeah, that was a really emotional roller coaster. I can’t even imagine.
Yeah, it was fatiguing. It was emotionally fatiguing. Mostly because every time I would process okay, this is what happened recently. And this is why I’m disappointed. This is why I’m disheartened. You know, whatever, I process that you find your stable ground, you move on with life. And then three months later, you know, your period comes and you’re, again, yeah, so I had to process again and again, and again and again, and aren’t really good at it. So now, while things still throw me in life, I know how to bring myself back. It’s what I do with other people now.
Start my emotional intelligence consulting business, I teach these skills to other people. So I can, I guess, share this knowledge because I’m, you know, while I said, I’m a real advocate for women having financial independence, I’m an advocate for people feeling independent. So that also includes having the tools to process what happens in life. And that’s not to say, independent is very different from solo. I’m not saying you have to go through life without any support behind you, any, you know, having these tools are sometimes the right people around you to go to when you need support when you need a helping hand when you need to have a second brain to work your goals and figure out how to get there.
And then you’re empowered to go there yourself. And you check back in with your support, and then you keep going. So yeah, so that was how I got to what I do. It was a passion from learning, and then ultimately putting them into practice, in a really big way, in a really long period until I felt like I really own this philosophy now and this tool.
Samantha Riley (08:24):
When you were talking us through that journey, one of the things that you said was that emotional intelligence is about us. And I feel like a lot of times when emotional intelligence is talked about it’s, it’s sort of mentioned in a way of that person has zero emotional intelligence. What is it that? Because obviously, that still is the case, right? There are some people that don’t, but what can we do as business owners, as people that are in the business of relationships? Because I think that every business owner is in the, in the business of relationships? Absolutely. What do we need to look out for to make sure that were emotionally intelligent, so that we’re able to nurture the relationships in our life.
Sherrie Laryse (09:15):
So any label that we put on other people, is a really great trigger for us, that there’s education here to be had, this is an opportunity for us to upskill so if we think somebody else doesn’t have emotional intelligence, and I mean, this is probably quite vague if I’m just talking in general terms without an example. But if we think somebody else is acting naively, or they’re being outlandish, or you know, whatever it is, and we label them as an emotionally intelligent, then I would say we can look at what exactly are they doing, and this is why I think probably I’m talking about. To generally and I would need a solid example. But what exactly is it that they are doing that makes us label them like that? What is it that gets under our skin about what they’re doing? And then just relate it back and say, Okay, so where have I done that in my life?
Samantha Riley (10:19):
And work actually, can I? It’s slightly different. But can I give you an example just because then I can at least talk. And I think examples are really great, because it helps us to understand context, right?
Sherrie Laryse (10:33):
So recently, there’s a little bit of weirdness going on with somebody I know. So I will talk kind of vaguely, but in enough detail that it will make sense. So they have some issues in their life. And they are in a very vulnerable position right now to the point of, it’s really, they’re very powerless, about things that should be within their own, they should be able to make decisions about, but because of the way that things have been set up, legally, they are in a very powerless position.
I wanted to call them to have a chat with them. But at the time, I wanted to call them, I was also feeling like, that was such an awful place they’re in I felt sorry for them, I felt sick in the stomach that that was their reality, because they mean so much, to me, such a no, they were there. So that position really triggered me to the point where if I just called them, I wouldn’t have had the stability underneath me to be able to support them, I would have totally jumped down that rabbit hole with them of how awful it is, and how wrong and blah, blah, blah, blah, and, you know, maybe emotionally supportive for them to feel like somebody else’s in with them. But actually, and especially to your coaches from a coaching point of view, are really not useful at all, just to jump in the hole with somebody. So before I call them, I had to sit there and think about, okay, so if that powerlessness position really triggers me to an emotional state myself, where if I felt like that, and I took myself back to a situation in my corporate life, where I felt quite powerless. And then I went back into that situation and looked at it from all of the different angles and said, Okay, when I was feeling powerless there, where was the power, and, you know, with the benefit of hindsight, I can see it so much clearer now. And I could see the relationships that I built as a result of that the connections I made. And therefore the promotions, I got completely done a completely different path. That took me to somewhere that I ultimately loved being and I learned so much. And I now apply all of those skills to my new business. And I can see just how much power there was in that for me.
As soon as I could recognize that as soon as I could feel not just mentally find, but actually feel the power in that. So called powerless situation. I was good. I was on solid ground. I phoned I said, Okay, you’re in this position. What do you need, let’s talk through it, let and you know, I could actually show up for them, I could be present, instead of getting sucked into that vortex, which all of us have at some point or another because, you know, we’re humans having a human experience, but it’s not helpful to us. And it’s not helpful to the other person. It’s really not. And we can show up for them in such a stronger, more powerful space to empower us through what that triggered in us, and also be able to empower them. But that also means that our you know, coming back to a business sense, our toughest clients are our biggest opportunity for learning and upskilling. ourselves.That’s why we need them
Samantha Riley (14:04):
Yeah, I want to go down this rabbit hole a little bit. Because there’s a lot of let’s use the word talk, a lot of coaching, from coaches, talking about if you know, if you’re not enjoying working with that client, or if you don’t like that client, fire them. Now bolster one side of the conversation, I go, Yeah, I can get that you only live once. You shouldn’t be having to create a business that’s not enjoyable. And we’ve all had clients that we haven’t enjoyed working with. However, and this is a personal belief. I also believe that that it’s almost a way of not upskilling our own coaching to just automatically acquire every client that we don’t like. So I personally think that this is a fine balance. But I would love your take on this because it’s such a big talking point In a lot of coaching programs
Sherrie Laryse (15:00):
I feel like it’s a very short lived sense of empowerment. It’s like going out for the hot chips. And then suffering the consequences later when you could have gone out and had something really wholesome and nutritious and been just as satisfied. So, by firing somebody, by firing your clients, specifically, you get this little dopamine balls of, you know, power here, I call the shots, this is my business, I mean, I have such a successful business that I only work with who I choose to. The problem is that you miss out on the opportunity of learning that they give you. So, and there is a theory that I learned from one of my teachers that I have lived by to this day. And that is that, as humans we designed to grow. To grow, we need challenge.
We can either go out and pursue a challenge that we choose. Or if we try and get rid of all of the challenges, because we just prefer to keep life in comfortable slippers what we know the clients we like, you know, never go outside of the boundaries and stretch ourselves. Because we’re designed to grow, then waffle have to throw us a challenge if we avoid all of the ones that are otherwise that have been sent to us. Yeah, yeah. If we say no to all of them, and say no to all the challenges that are voluntary, then we’re going to have one thrown on us that’s involuntary. And that’s, I mean, people’s life challenges can be all sorts of flavors, there’s health, or financial or you know, whatever it might be. So I am a big fan of choose your challenge, like actually run toward a challenge. And if that means working with clients that challenge you, then not only do you focus, where you’re going to grow and how you’re going to grow, but you kind of avoid the need, if I can say that, of needing to get some ugly challenge that you’d prefer not to have.
Yeah, choose your challenges wisely. Choose your challenges, if you have the choice between some eyeball a challenge, if you’re working with a client that was really difficult, then you probably choose the difficult client. And every time because of that phone call at that coaching session. You know, you hang up the phone, you walk away, and you go back into your life. And you might have to go for a run or have a little rant to let it out. But that’s alright, though, as opposed to some, for example, health crisis that you can’t walk away from, yeah, definitely choose your challenges. And the fact that difficult clients, difficult people, difficult family members, whatever it is the fact that they are there as a challenge, convert that word, change that word to opportunity for you to grow, then, if we’re in the business of coaching, we’re about growth, you know, so I think there’s so much more opportunity there. And that’s when it comes back to that cute little analogy of either you get at the hot chips, and it’s over and I hit love hot chips, you know, it’s salty, and it’s fried, and I love everything about that.
But there and then you get the immediate satisfaction. And then there’s no goodness that happens after that your body does not love those hot chips. Whereas you go for something wholesome that you can grow from and that you can feed your cells, you know, coming back to the coaching, you feed your brain and you really nourish your mind from it. It’s so much more empowering on a longer term basis as well. It’s not just that short, immediate flavor sensation in the mouth, and then all the buzz is over. Totally, I would definitely to all of your coaches, I would run it those clients and you know, for what it’s worth, you pray for a difficult client because they are going to help you way more than the easier clients and their testimonials are going to be stronger.
Samantha Riley (19:16):
I think I want to add a little piece in here and because I can always feel people going Yes. And like, no, life’s too short for this. So I I can I can feel it coming at me. And what I have learned is my own boundaries. And I was just chatting to someone yesterday I was on a retreat, actually 10 years ago this week, and the facilitator at dinner, walked up next to me sort of facing the opposite direction and just sort of walked past you know, slow down as he went past and just whispered in my ear as he was going past. Sam you need to put up a forcefield and just kind of kept walking Oh, and at the time, I was like, Huh, what does he mean? What he was talking about. And I’ve unpacked this over a long time. And this was about my boundaries. So you mentioned the story before about being on the phone call with the person that you knew, you could have easily got on that phone call and being sucked into that vortex of love all the you know, the darkness and the rule, yuck of it, instead of helping with, it’s almost providing her the step to sort of step up and see another way. And what I realized is that I was doing that I was getting sucked into people’s vortexes. So he was saying to me, you know, put up this forcefield. So you’re not taking in people’s energy. Now, in, you know, what I’ve worked through over many, many years is to realize it’s not this forcefield where I’m not, my energy is not coming out. It’s just I’ve learned boundaries of not letting other people’s stories, ruin my stories, or even ruins quite a strong word, but not let them you know, change my perception of what the story is. So I guess there is still that fine line, whether there are some people that may be clients that you may be triggered, or you may learn some things. And then there might be some clients that after a little while, it might be just Life’s too short to do this. And there is no boundary. And I think it’s really important to talk about the two. Because yes, we can learn something from every situation. But it doesn’t mean that we need to put ourself in a situation that is going to affect our mental health, or it’s going to affect us in a really, really negative way.
Sherrie Laryse (21:52):
Yeah, absolutely. So I agree with that. And to say that difficult clients are going to be your best opportunity for learning that that doesn’t mean that you need to keep those clients for life. I guess what I’m suggesting is, don’t flick them, because you don’t want to look at your own stuff. Yeah. But I guess you have a couple of options. You can either look at your own stuff. No, no, no, definitely do that. Yeah, definitely do that as step one. So look at your own stuff, First, learn from it, and then go back and have an X the next session with their client, because after you dealt with your staff, and you’re showing up differently, if one person is different in a relationship, then the relationship has to be different. Yeah. So maybe it then becomes you have a completely different dynamic with the way that you work with this person, and it becomes not difficult anymore. Yeah, you’re able to work with them in a whole different way, help them in a whole different way. If it’s still difficult, then okay, maybe you still got more stuff to work with. If that happens for a while, you know, maybe just one session and you want to call it. But if you have learned what you needed to and got what you needed to from that client, then you can let them go.
Not because you don’t want to deal with it, because you have dealt with your own stuff that came up from that. And then you still realize that they’re going to be better served by somebody else. Yeah. So I do this with my clients who are in relationship issues as well. And when we talk, because some of them are in really low emotional positions, and they just want somebody to help them and please make my decision to leave him nor should they stay with him.
No matter how much I know about this relationship, that is never anybody else’s decision, but your own 100%. What I can do is help you find the upside the benefits, what you’re learning how you’re growing, let’s work through that together in this situation. And once you’ve learned that, you can then decide, okay, this is actually really worth it to me and I have found a way to love him in a whole different way. And I want to stay with him and really work through this tough period. Or I completely I have so much gratitude for what I have known out of this relationship. And we absolutely love no resentment, no anger, no spite with absolute love, I am going to set him free, because I realized that I’m not the person that he wants me to be.
So it’s not to stay locked to somebody. But don’t miss the lesson that that person brings because they have come into your life for a reason. They have poked something painful or something annoying or in some sort of vulnerable spot in you for a reason. So that’s an opportunity not to be missed. Yeah, I love this so much.
Samantha Riley (24:45):
We were talking about triggers, then people come to us and they trigger things within us. I don’t need to go into this wheel. Every single person that’s listening go Yeah, okay. All right. I know what that is. I hear you Is there some sort of framework that we can use to deal with those triggers in our selves?
Sherrie Laryse (25:10):
Yeah. And that probably goes back to the example I gave about the powerlessness, that I went back to a situation in me. And you know, unless somebody triggers something, and it’s a current situation that you’re in, then it’s sitting yourself down and looking at, okay, what am I learning here? What is the upside? Where Am I growing? There’s a really handy tool on my website. It’s a free tool. And it’s called values determination. And it’s 13 questions. If you answer those questions, it is about getting into what is most important to you your highest values on a subconscious level. It’s not about just it’s the way the questions are worded. And what the questions are that kind of access that subconscious because it asks you about your habits, you know, and a subconscious. So it uncovers people’s highest values. Now some people say, yeah, that’s obvious. I could have told you that in two seconds without answering the question. Yeah. Other people have done it and said, Wow, that’s what I used to think of as a kid. But I grew up and, you know, I, I was told that that was silly. And so I gave myself these other injective values that other people told me were important, but actually, now that I think about it had never been mine.
Samantha Riley (26:40):
Yeah, I find values really interested, I just gonna jump in there. Because I find that and I do values work with my clients, too. I’ll go. And what I found really interesting is when you ask people, What are your highest values? I would say nine times out of 10. The person answering always says family first. And I feel that they say that because they have to that family is something that we all love. But it’s not necessarily a highest value. So I don’t have family in my top seven highest values. Does that mean I wouldn’t absolutely walk on glass or to the end of the earth for my children? Not so totally good, right? Because I love my kids more than anything. Yeah, but my highest value, it’s around freedom and work, which sounds a bit weird to some people. But no, that is my work. Perfect combination. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And my kids also know that, yeah, that’s what you know, that’s what I do. And they will often we will often have family things around my work or around my travel. Why I’m saying this is that you say that silly that people don’t know their values. I feel that a lot of people say their values out loud for how they think that people will perceive them. Right? Yep.
Sherrie Laryse (27:57):
And sometimes, they’ve said it so many times that they believe that? Yeah, yeah. Mentally, like in the conscious level, but on the subconscious level, not at all. Which is why I don’t know your views on self sabotage. My views on self sabotage is that it is your subconscious saying, Where are you going? Yeah, not your values. Somebody else’s values that you carrying yourself are yours. That’s not them. But yeah, so self sabotage? Is your your body your subconscious doing you massive favors? To say, no, no. Left? We’re going right. Yeah, come back. Yeah. Your heart wants to go right. It’s only Yeah, that self talk in your head that says go left. But then and then no. Yeah, totally. Yeah, values, it’s a really interesting thing. It’s a very valuable thing to know. And I find as soon as people get really clear on it, then you can use it as a compass for making big decisions in life 100% 100% listening, achieve my values or not, and although it’s a big, shiny opportunity, if it doesn’t fulfill my highest values, then it’s not an opportunity for me. Mm hmm. Yeah, as soon as you start getting really clear and not, um, or I’m going to loosely say wasting time, chasing other people’s dreams and other people’s opportunities of what they present you with some big shiny thing, then your life becomes a lot more focused and a lot more fulfilled.
Samantha Riley (29:31):
100% actually going back to my story of the values then, not understanding that family wasn’t in my top values. I actually needed some, like healing sessions to kind of get over this thought that I was doing something wrong. Yep. And, you know, if and I also worked with the Kinesiology just to help me with my values to get really, really clear that way is a really, really cool thing that I did. And it’s been super helpful because you know, values you’re talking about it being a direction I think about as being you know, your Northstar doesn’t matter how you say it, it’s the thing that we’re going there. Yeah. And I know the front of my journal actually have my top 10 values, and it’s in my journal. Because every week, I know that I have to at least touch on one of those top 10. I love that every day. I know when I’m off that I need to go back and have a look, if I’m not touching on my top three values every single day. That’s when life feels hard. Yeah, that’s how important values are.
Sherrie Laryse (30:39):
Absolutely. Absolutely. So coming full circle back to what you asked me about a framework? Yeah, when you are in a sticky position, and it feels like there’s no way out or it feels like it’s all bad, no good, then that’s when you can use your values to make the question of how this benefiting me supercharged, because if you can say, How is this crap situation, benefiting me and feeding into my top three values, then you really hit home really quickly. And it becomes an effective way of bringing equilibrium back to your emotions. And if you can bring equilibrium back to your emotion, then you can think a lot clearer. You’re just you’re back, you’re ready to leave. Again, as opposed to being overwhelmed and distracted by this dark thing in your life. As soon as you realize it’s not that dark. Sure, it might be sticky, crunchy to go through so many benefits. And there’s so many things that I’m learning that directly feed to my highest values. But it’s also awesome. Yeah, I’m loving this, by the way.
Samantha Riley (31:55):
You’ve just released your book on path. Tell us about the like, what was the catalyst that made you say I need to write this book. And I need to have these lessons or learnings in it?
Sherrie Laryse (32:10):
Okay, it was an accident. Oh, my goodness. I never set out to Robbie’s ever an accident, right or right. Right. I was journaling. Yeah, I was journaling through my troubles through my wounds. And at the same time, I also journaled through all of my exercises that I took myself through on how to move through this emotional challenge. So they are all there in the book. So it’s very subjective, I have found that people read themselves into the story, because everybody has something in their life that they feel is missing.
So people read my case study, if you like my experience of what’s missing for me, and then ended up end up relating it to what’s missing for them. So they’re with me the whole time, I bring them into the downs. Just how hard that is. And because I was journaling wasn’t writing for anybody else I was writing for me, it is raw, it’s open, it is completely uncensored. So we go down together. And then I talk through the tools and the exercises that I brought myself through, and then we start going back up together. And we do that a few times. And we go around the roller coaster for a few years while you travel with me through the pages. And then about halfway through the book, I guess, I realized that it wasn’t what I realized that this journaling had a much bigger purpose than just for me. And when I realized that part of it was because what felt missing to me of a baby. In my experience that meant mothering was missing. Like I was not a mother. So it wasn’t even about this external person. He was that who I was, if I had this external person. So what I did was then work out where am I a mother then if I’m not a mother to a little cute, little chubby something that looks like me, then where am I a mother and I looked for all of the different places of how motherhood was showing up for me. And while I initially because I started writing down everything that I could, and while I initially came up with the answers of, well, I nurture my husband, I nurture my cat. I even clean my cat he this is a bit gross. Sorry, listeners. But I have a rag doll and he’s really fairy. And every now and again, he gets diarrhea.
It’s a mess. It’s a big ugly mess to clean him and it became my equivalent of nappy changing. So I was really tapping into my own motherhood as soon as I started to look for it, and recognize it and life
Almost motherhood, then I could find it, then I could feel that void starting to fill up in me. So while I’m starting to recognize this, I realized that these journal that I’m writing this book is also a part of my mothering. This is how I reach more people and have these personal conversations that a mother and child would this is how I can sit on the end of somebody’s bed, while they are upset going through this big challenge in their life. And through my pages, I get to say,
I don’t know what you’re going through, I don’t know how it feels to go through your version of the challenge. But this is what I went through. This is how I dealt with it. And this is how it helped me. And maybe you can try that. And I’ve just I’ve had the most beautiful feedback from people who have said exactly that. And one of them was, oh is a builder. So male builder, with really not relating to me on an exact parallel when I’m female writing about not being able to have a child. And he did have children as well. So qualia was was called polar opposites. And he wrote to me saying, I’ll be going through something on the worksite and some challenge. And then I’ll come home and I’ll be reading another chapter of your book thinking, Oh, my God, was she there watching me? It’s like, I know exactly what I’m going through. And then the not advice that idea because it’s certainly not a how to it’s quite a hypnotic book in that regard. But he said, you know, what you then go through, it just hits home. And it just I relate to the book in so many ways that I don’t even understand how empowering Yeah, oh, Big time, big time. So everybody gets to go through their own version. And I was thinking about this coming up to our conversation thinking, your coaches for a start, could understand and get, you know, through the exercises that I talked myself through, get a bit more of a sense on the different ways that you can take yourself through your own triggers, when something challenges you. But then it becomes this very cool, prescriptive thing for coaches where you can like your clients can read the book, for example. And then you can say, Okay, we’ve setting up the next three or five sessions, to unpack specific philosophies of how they affect your life, look at what your biggest goals are, what you feel is missing, and let’s work together to identify where they’re showing up in your life. And how we can then start to take steps to feel more of that. Because as soon as you start to recognize where your perceived void is being fulfilled, that is really empowering. Therefore, you start to show up in the world, as somebody who is another, in my example, you start to show up in the world and see the world as somebody who does have that part fulfilled. And if you show up like that, you see different opportunities that you wouldn’t have before, when you saw the world as something missing,
or something was missing. So yeah, I was thinking about that before thinking, it’s actually a great because I teach emotional intelligence. And it’s written from that point of view, it is a really cool tool for coaches to then be able to apply those same things with their clients, because we might have goals that are business oriented, that we working with our clients. But we humans, you know, we’re yeah, there’s emotions to everything we do. And even Warren Buffett said, don’t expect to manage money. If you can’t manage your emotions. Yeah.
Your emotions will get in the way, if I say that, of every decision. Yep. So you want to make sure that they are empowered emotions, to make sure that you are making empowered decisions.
Samantha Riley (39:09):
Even just little things in our business. You know, as coaches, we need to be marketing a lot. And I find that that marketing piece holds so many coaches back from building, you know, businesses that are far exceeding where they are right now, just because the harm and it’ll be afraid to do that. And I’m afraid someone’s going to call me on that or say something about that. And, you know, it’s amazing how some of these unconscious beliefs and limitations from really long time ago can affect what we’re doing today. Yeah, and being able to have the tools to not control actually really hate that word, but help us to, you know, to show up or be better or whatever it is, play at a different level.
Sherrie Laryse (40:00):
back, give us them all. Absolutely. And start with what you know, you don’t have to start at the top. And, you know, for me, I didn’t sit down and say I want to write a book, because that will allow me to mother a million people. I started by saying, Where do I mother, oh, I cleaned the poo off my cat’s very bone, like, right, like, stuck somewhere that allows you to own it. Yeah. And then once you own it, then you can watch it build, though, to the clients that feel uncomfortable promoting themselves. Start with what you know, you had one client six months ago that loved what you did, ask them for a testimonial, or put a little comment up of how you helped them, you know, just start somewhere with something that you know, is factual. So if somebody calls you on it, you can 100% Act yourself.
Samantha Riley (40:54):
I love that so much. I love that. And then you let that grow? Yeah. A lot of people try to be somewhere, you know, a lot further forward in point, oh, one seconds. But it’s amazing when you start small, how quickly that builds on itself? Because it’s got to be authentic? Yeah, it is. I mean, it’s linear, you have to go from one to two to three, anybody who’s just starting at one and then pretending to the world that they’re all in authentic. You might have some other people out there who buy it initially, but it’s not sustainable, and you’re not going to feel good about it. So you are going to and I’m going to use this word, self sabotage your own business and not promote yourself. Because your subconscious is saying this isn’t you come back to you, you are so perfect exactly as you are just be that. And people resonate with that people will resonate with authentic, you know, authenticity, I should say. So what you’re saying there is your energy, your personal energy is calling yourself out before anyone else is. Yep. Every time. Boom, right?
Sherrie Laryse (42:05):
Right. So as soon as you notice that you’re self sabotaging. Thank yourself. Ah, love that so much.
Samantha Riley (42:15):
Sherrie, I’ve absolutely loved this conversation. Where can people go to a get a copy of your book on path? And B, we talked about that values determination before? Where can people go and do that quiz.
Sherrie Laryse (42:25):
So my website is probably the great place that, you know, leans everywhere else. So my website sherrie.com.au. And that’s sh E double R ie.com.au. And then from there, I’ve got links to Amazon, my book is available on Amazon worldwide. Some bookshop spot, you know, depends where you’re listening to living. So Amazon probably the easiest. And then I have a section on my website called online programs. So the values determination, it’s free. I can’t remember if I said that before. It’s available via the online programs. Yeah, all of those links will be in the show notes over influenced by design podcast.com If you are on the treadmill, and you can’t head to that right now. They will be there waiting for you,
Samantha Riley (43:15):
Sherrie, it’s been an absolute pleasure chatting with you today. Thanks so much for reaching out and having this conversation and bringing this topic to our listeners. It’s been amazing. Such a great chat. Thank you so much then.
Thanks for joining me for this episode of the Influence By Design podcast. If you want more head over to influencebydesignpodcast.com for the show notes and links to today’s gifts and sponsors. And if you’re looking to connect with other experts who are growing and scaling their business to join us in the coaches, thought leaders, and changemakers community on Facebook, the links are waiting for you over at influencebydesignpodcast.com